Donald Trumpwants to corrupt Greenland . Okay then .

The Wall Street Journalbroke the newsThursday good afternoon that our big real the three estates male child in the White House has float the estimation to multiple Pluto that the U.S. should purchase the mankind ’s largest island . This is , to put it apparently , batshit . It ’s the presidential equivalent of corrupt a fire red sports car as part of some midlife crisis or overcompensation for uh , well , you have a go at it .

Nobody want to this go on with the exception of Donald Trump . Greenlandic peopleare decidedly not into the neo - compound overture ( and who can blame them . See : Puerto Rico ) . The Danish government activity — of which Greenland is an autonomous country — isn’t into it . Even his Hades remember it ’s dazed , harmonise to the Journal ’s coverage .

Illustration: G/O Media/AP

But allow ’s live in Trump ’s phantasy world for just a second . If the chairman somehow convinced Congress to pony up the money to buy Greenland and all parties drop dead along , just what the hell would the U.S. get out of it ? turn out , some good and some bad . Here is a non - exhaustive list , many of which are tie to climate change .

National Security Advantages

Trump may haveabsolutely moronicviews on climate change , but even he can grok the significance of Greenland in a melting Arctic . The U.S. already maintain a base there . Owning Greenland could , in theory , appropriate the U.S. to asseverate greater dominance over that fortune of the Arctic , which is open up up . China has been aggressiveintrying to get a toeholdin the region and Russia hasway more icebreakersthan the U.S. , so counter by corrupt a whole blasted island to present military operation could avail , uh , even the playing field .

Natural Resources

mood alteration is also creating anew type of amber rushinto the Arctic . One of the swelled reason everyone is jostling for a piece of the Arctic is because fossil oil , gun , and other mineral are becoming more accessible as ocean ice melts out and Din Land chalk recedes . That includes Greenland , which a2014 Brookings Institution reportsays is probable to see large - scale minelaying and oil and gun development in the coming decade as the Arctic thaw .

WulOi3beIC

— Greenland MFA 🇬 🇱 ( @GreenlandMFA)August 16 , 2019

Argentina’s President Javier Milei (left) and Robert F. Kennedy Jr., holding a chainsaw in a photo posted to Kennedy’s X account on May 27. 2025.

Greenland ’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs say as much in a sly tweet noting the island is “ open for business enterprise , not for sale . ” It ’s easy to see why Trump would require a piece of the pie . Sure , he ’s had a string of failed businesses hawkingsteaks , vodka , andsports , but Trump Zinc Mines seems like a surefire win .

Freshwater

The icing sheet just had itsbiggest daily melt eventever record and is dethaw at a quickening pace . But there is still a crapload of frosting on the island . Scientistsestimatethere is around 684,000 cubic miles of chicken feed or nigh 230 times as much piddle as there is in Lake Superior . In a creation on thebrink of a water crisis , all that ice-skating rink could be a valuable resourcefulness to betray off as people scramble for water . Heck , the U.S. could use it . The Southwest and Southern Plains face up increasing risks of adecade - plus megadroughtdue to climate change . Maybe we could set up a salmon canyon - esque luge to get all the ice to places that need it instead of just letting it plump down into the ocean and drown coastal city .

Sand

Greenland ’s melting ice sail is also unleashing adeluge of Amandine Aurore Lucie Dupin . The world isfacing a sand shortage . ‘ Nuff said .

Toxic Waste

Not everything Trump could buy on Greenland would be right . During the Cold War , the U.S. armed services dabbled in seeing whether they couldlaunch ballistic missiles from Greenland . I have sex this sound like a G.I. Joe plot of ground , but I swear this is on-key .

The U.S. military build a base under the ice knight Camp Century . They did various test there in the fifties and 1960s and even had a portable nuclear reactor . It was finally decommissioned in 1969 and the war machine left a bunch of toxic and radioactive waste there think it would never see the light of twenty-four hour period .

And they would have gotten away with it if it were n’t for meddle clime change . As Greenland melts , some of that toxic waste is at danger ofleaching out of the iceand into the environment . Buying Greenland would put the U.S. in charge of cleaning it up , but pay the means Trump ’s Environmental Protection Agency has work , a cleanup seems about as far - fetched as Trump ’s architectural plan to bribe the island in the first place .

William Duplessie