Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling.Photo:Dave Kotinsky/Getty, David Livingston/Getty
Dave Kotinsky/Getty, David Livingston/Getty
Feeling “drunk and angry,” the formerChopped Canadahost, 57, recalled seeing “the light, the final flicker of the flame go out in her eyes” as he “raged against her and the children.”
“I posted that because I was at the end of my rope,” he told theDaily Mail, explaining that hisissues with substance abuseand theirfinancial insecurityhad left him feeling helpless. “I didn’t know what to do. I had burned everything down yet again.”
Allen Berezovsky/WireImage
“I was literally at my wit’s end,” McDermott continued. “That night, I was drinking and I was into my pills. After I sent the post, I took some more pills, and I took six or seven Ambien in the hopes that I would not wake up.”
Thankfully he did, “Because I would’ve ruined so many lives if I had died.”
Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott with their children.Stefanie Keenan/Getty
Stefanie Keenan/Getty
In June, McDermottannounced the couple’s split after 18 years together, noting that the pair “have decided to go our separate ways” and “start a new journey of our own.”
“We will continue to work together as loving parents and guide and love our children through this difficult time,” he continued. “We ask that you all respect our privacy as we take this time to surround our family with love and work our way through this. Thank you all for your support and kindness. 🙏”
The reality star admitted to the outlet that his impromptu statement “wasn’t the right way” to break the news though it certainly “got people’s attention” and “the people I needed it to.”
“It fell in the ears of people I wanted it to fall into,” he said, before adding. “I was so full of shame and it was such a horrible idea. And then my kids were really, really hurt.” He also revealed that the incident prompted post prompted Spelling to encourage him to seek treatment.
McDermott and theBeverly Hills, 90210alum married on May 7, 2006, and renewed their vows on May 8, 2010. They share fdaughtersStella Doreen, 15,Hattie Margaret, 12, and sonsLiam Aaron, 16,Finn Davey, 11, andBeau Dean, 6.
In the nearly two decades since their wedding, McDermott said he fell deeper into alcohol and prescription drug abuse andpublicly cheated, despite the beginning of their romance being “a total fairytale.”
Rodin Eckenroth/FilmMagic; Andrew J Cunningham/Getty Images
“I mean, it was a beautiful love story,” McDermott told theDaily Mail. “Love at first sight and getting married in the most beautiful way possible.”
He noted the “pain” he’s put Spelling through and how he’s"taking accountability"for what ultimately happened in his marriage. “It’s going to be living the rest of my life making amends because I took something that was really beautiful and I just tore it down year after year, day after day,” admitted McDermott.
Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
McDermott and Spelling have begun moving on, with both of them being spotted outkissingother people.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, please contact the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.
source: people.com
