The way I see it , everybody has a “ thing ” they do when they get eminent . Some people gorge themselves on as many comestible objects as will gibe in their cottony mouth . Other multitude repose in the darkness and listen to Phish . Still other people sit on their sofa and look at Vine .
Me ? I come down down what I ’ll call “ net inquiry kettle of fish . ” late laugher include reading theentire Daenerys Targaryen character pageon the Game of Thrones Wikia , the entirepost history of a person who supposedly writes for Total Sorority Move , and the collect web account of Beyoncé and Jay Z ’s marital problems . ( I should note here that I do not watch out Game of Thrones , read Total Sorority Move , or know Bey and Jay personally . ) No matter the subject matter , the process is always the same : Smoke a bowl , open up my computer , stick with my heart , and posture in bed for the next two minute fixating on whatever I find oneself .
Recently , that cyberspace corner has been occupy by Spotify . sure enough , the streaming political platform is full of “ normal ” music . But in March , it came out with a birthing play list , to which my quick response was , what the screw ?
Illustration: Adam Clark Estes
My 2d reaction was , “ there must be more . ” I decided to inquire further , which is to say I catch high and spent a lot of clock time parsing Weird Spotify . I invite you to join me on a journey to see what I find , which admit former President of the United States , cat lullabies , and Hitler ’s remixes .
Lawnmower noises
This record album contain all kinds of bizarre household phone effects , but the lawnmower portion is king . The beauty is in the specificity : “ lawnmower start idling shutting off ” ( version one and two ) , “ lawnmower approaching and shutting off , ” and “ lawnmower starting cut skunk shutting off ” ( version one , two , three , and four ) .
Orgasm Sounds (Women, Real, Orgasm, Sex, Sound, Girl, Porn, Adult, Fx)
Yep , it ’s exactly what it says it is .
Sound Effects of the Sea
“ Sound effects of the ocean , ” you might be thinking . “ How prissy ! ” This record album does not contain slack up waves or other assorted water noises , however . For grounds undecipherable to me , it is comprised only of sea beast grunt . dolphin , sea lions , walruses , whales , and seals . “ Walrus single call with break intake . ” “ Sea lion straining shriek . ” It is weird .
CAT DREAMS — Relaxing Music for Cats & Cat Lovers Vol. 1
This , on the other hired man , is beautiful .
Sounds for Spacetime Travelers
Let me tell you : This album will sleep together you up . I briefly considered running by to link up theMars One missionafter listening to a few tracks .
Animal Growling/Haunted Screams
This is a cut on an album calledHalloween Party Noises , which seems appropriate . It ’s like Christmas euphony , except horrifying .
I Got Syphilis for Christmas
A single by an artist who live by the name Dr. Steve . sampling lyric : “ I get pox for Christmas / We started kiss underneath the Loranthus europaeus / She gave me VD underneath the Christmas tree / That daughter is just a atomic number 67 . ”
The Unique Wit and Wisdom of President George W. Bush
If you ’ve ever wanted to see the great hitting of the Oval Office ’s very own Walker , Texas Ranger in one office , you’re able to do so right here . I will note that he vocalize marginally less horrible if you are under the influence of drug .
Hitler’s Remixes
People are make out up , so there ’s an album of weird , Nazi - themed techno remixes on Spotify . There ’s even a caterpillar track call “ The Next Holocaust ” set to the pulse of Dr. Dre ’s “ The Next Episode , ” which I would think is not Dre ’s favorite remix .
Public Transit Sounds
Public transit is a incubus and I do n’t know why you would need to hear to it while not actively on it , but mayhap that ’s your thing !
Thank You, Steve Jobs (Steve Jobs Dedication Day Song)
To artist AzR ’s acknowledgment , this is a fairly advanced mashup of Apple merchandise sound personal effects ( the iPod charging noise , for one ) and Steve Jobs speech cartridge holder . It ’s still fucking weird , though .
Break at Work: Office Music for Busy People, Reduce Stress, Pleasure and Easy Listening in Workplace
An easy listening instrumental soundtrack for the workplace is more or less my own personal nightmare . I ’m not even really sure where you would play this . Over the loudspeaker ? That take over your all employee execute exactly the same duty at exactly the same time , which is all but impossible . Please , make it halt .
Ted Cruz for President Song
The lead , by Liberty Patriot , kind of go like mid - aughts Christian daddy rock , which seems about proper .
The Sims 2: Nightlife
Did you know that soundtrack for The Sims — including the expansion packs — are on Spotify ? I did n’t either , but now I can say I ’ve listened to the techno remixes of “ discontinue and Sim ” and “ Arch of the Sims . ”
For The New Arrival
Theoretically , this should be relaxing , because it coalesce solace nighttime euphony with uterus sounds . However , all I could think about was how fucking uncanny it must have been to hang out inside the uterus of my mama for nine month . On the other hand , it is an excellent post - birthing soundtrack choice .
Many thanks to Jezebel ’s inimitable Joanna Rothkopf for theinspiration .
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